My brain hurts. Today, I helped my boyfriend strip down his closet, separating what clothes he was going to donate and what he was going to bring with him on our move. When I got home, I finished up a suitcase that I’ve been filling with clothes all week. After that, I looked up some job openings in the SF area, and for the past three and a half hours, I’ve been researching accommodations for all the places we’re stopping at during our road trip. We officially have two weeks until our departure date. Fourteen days, and I’m gone. Fourteen days, and I won’t be sitting in this kitchen anymore.
I really wasn’t going to write today. Past few days, even weeks, I’ve just been so fearful that I won’t have anything of substance to say. This blog is called The Sum of 20-Something: Exploring and Living the 20-Something Phenomenon. Well, when us 20-somethings are not traveling, concert-going, heartbreaking, happy-houring, and aspiring, we’re doing this: overwhelming ourselves. Usually my mind goes through the day like a good student in a lecture class, listening and taking notes like mad, but lately, it’s constantly got this on playback: have to do this, have to go to that, have to pack this, have to book that, have to meet this person. Where do I even fit any ideas for blog posts?
As I was packing earlier, my iPod was on shuffle, and I’m sitting on my bedroom floor surrounded by shopping bags, wheely luggages, and mounds of clothes, belts, shoes, and purses. My phone keeps distracting me, the way facebook distracts me when I’m trying to do work on my laptop; it makes the process extra long and painful. Somehow I go into this daze, thinking, not about my room and all my stuff, but about my friends. They’re not going to be five minutes away anymore; we’re going to be in completely different time zones! Everyone is saying they’re going to visit, but still, they’re not going to be… right there anymore. I start to cry, leaning my head against the side of the bed. Then, I realize Coldplay is playing on my iPod, and Chris Martin is singing to me:
Nobody said it was easy
It’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start
…… Really? What’s next? Vitamin C?
Okay though, I get it. Nobody said this move was going to be ‘easy.’ For years, I’ve been talking about moving out, but never really imagining what the day would be like when I leave. What is going to be on the other side of this mysterious hill? I know what it’s like to visit SF, but to live there longer than two weeks? To move out of my parents house and move in with my boyfriend? To buy my own toilet paper and dish washing soap?
I don’t really have a point to this post, other than to acknowledge that this is real, baby. This feeling of worry — yea, it will come… and it will pass. So, I carry on.
The Sum of 20Something 