Ain’t No Moment High Enough

How many times would you say you have completely surrendered to the moment?  You freed your self from obligations, judgment, expectations, physical pain, and everything else that occupies our minds 99% of the day.  How many times in the past year have you accomplished this?

Yesterday, I experienced one of those moments.  I was fortunate enough to be part of a group of five friends who hiked to the tower at the top of Mohonk Mountain in New Paltz, NY.  It was  an impromptu day trip that organically came together.  Everyone was free on this random Tuesday in April, and as soon as we set off on our journey, it was magic.  There was no trail for the first four miles.  My friend, Dana, led the way using just her memory.  We walked through mud, thorn patches, farms, private property, and steep, unmarked trails.  When we finally came across the actual trails, one was red but chained off with a sign that said, “Trail closed for the season.”  We walked on the flat trail for half a mile, but Dana wanted us to experience the Lemon Squeeze, which was a labyrinth of boulders, so we ignored the closed trail sign.  We ventured through these incredible rock formations:

Dana let us know when it was going to get a little more challenging, but like a true leader, she reminded us to follow our hearts and trust our bodies.  We squeezed through caves and crevices and reached the final part of the Lemon Squeeze that required us to climb three or four wooden ladders in a narrow crevice.  It felt like we were in an ad for Patagonia.  We could not see what was waiting for us at the top, so one by one, as we each pushed ourselves off the final segment of the ladders, we each experienced our own moment of awe when the view of New York State surrounded us.  We all said how the challenge seemed a lot less scary after conquering it.  It reminded me of this part in Paolo Coelho’s book, The Pilgrimage, when Paolo must climb a waterfall, despite his injuries, despite his fatigue and weakness.  He told his leader that he could not do it; he was about to accept failure, but after he finally accepted the challenge and made it to the top, he saw from the top of the waterfall that it was not as threatening as it seemed from the bottom.

We had made it a long way, but we were not at our destination yet.  We had to walk up a few flights of stairs to make it to the top of the Tower.  The extra push was well worth it.  We were truly at the very top of Mohonk Mountain.  This tower looked so far and so small from where we had parked our car.  We enjoyed some sandwiches and chocolate bars for lunch, and as we ate, we could all feel raindrops begin to drizzle over us.  What a perfect gift from the summit.  We covered up and packed up our things as quickly as we could to try and beat the downpour of rain that seemed to be coming.  We didn’t have to climb the boulders on the way down.  In fact, that labyrinth trail was only marked with arrows for the ascent up, not coming back down.  We took an easy, flat trail back down.  The rain had never come.  The drizzle at the top of the tower seemed like it was just for dramatic effect.  We stopped by the Mohonk Mountain Resort to use the restrooms and to buy a map (better late than never).  At some point, we stopped following the trail again, made it to paved ground, but admitted to ourselves that we were lost.  No worries, we just followed one of the main roads in the direction we hoped was the right way to our car (it was), and it was at this point in the day that I completely felt myself surrender to the moment.  It’s not that I was worried the whole day, but walking along the road with the mountain that we had just climbed to our left and open farms to our right was when I just stopped trying to figure out how everything managed to work themselves out.  The air in New Paltz, as I had been saying the whole day, was fresh and clean, but on the walk to the car, it was especially sweet.  The weather was not cold, not hot, not even warm — it was just perfect.  My four friends and I had just shared the same adventure.  No man left behind, no competition, no complaining.  Part of me wanted to try and find something wrong with the moment.  Motivational speaker, Brian Tracy, often says that guilt causes us to question our happiness and our success when things seem to be ‘too good to be true.’  That was just my human nature at work.  Why resist though?  The moment was perfect in every way.

Friends Who Need You & Friends Who Don’t

If you only had five minutes to talk to a friend that you’d never speak to again, what would you say?  How would you act?  How would you speak about your own life?

Yesterday I wrote about old friends that you’ve lost touch with.  The universe works in mysterious ways because just hours after I posted it, I ran into a friend from grammar school that I hadn’t seen in 5 or 6 years.  We graduated 8th grade together.  After graduation, I went to high school with two classmates from that class, but I didn’t really stay in touch with any of them.  It was not until freshman year of college (I realize I tend to write about this year a lot) that this friend — the one I ran into yesterday — reached out to me.  I can’t remember what we did; maybe we went to the mall or something, but since then, I had not seen him.  So yesterday, I was shopping for onions in the produce section and I hear a deep voice ask if my name was Isabel Gomez, and I swear, I would not have recognized him if he had not approached me.  He sounded different, looked different, dressed differently.  We chatted about mutual friends from our 8th grade class, a friend who had passed away a few years back, where we’re both living now, upcoming life plans, etc.  I introduced him to my boyfriend, and the energy among the three of us was warm and easy.  We laughed about Catholic schools, the town we grew up in, Trader Joe’s, and when we went our separate ways, we all joked about how we’d probably have to awkwardly say bye again at the checkout counter (we didn’t).  After that, we were back to our own lives.  We did not confirm each other’s phone numbers in our phone books, nor did we promise to keep in touch or get together again.  I was happy for him and also proud to speak about my own life — no feelings of regret, self -consciousness, or any of that.  It got me thinking: if I never saw this friend again in my life, which is very possible, would I have said everything I needed to say to him?  Sure, I didn’t ask him about where he’s working now or how his family was or what he even graduated college with; I didn’t invite to go to a show with us or catch dinner with us but… honestly, it was not necessary.  We didn’t need to describe every detail of our lives to let each other know we were happy, life-loving people.  You could just sense that.

Appropriately enough, last night, I dreamt about a friend, also from my grammar school, who passed away during college.  Him too, I did not keep in touch with after grade school, so when it happened, I found out about his death via facebook.  Although I didn’t know what he was like past twelve years old, I dreamt that I was walking around a museum with him during our twenties.  He was the same boy I knew back in 7th grade, just bigger in proportion.  I mostly asked him about what he wanted to do after college, what his interests were, what he wanted to contribute to the world.  The crazy part about it was that even though in my dream he was alive and we were walking and talking together, I knew he was going to die.  I asked him as many questions as I could, as if I were giving him a warning that he didn’t have much time left and that he had to accomplish all his aspirations right then and there.  The dream kind of faded before I could know what happened next, but I woke up feeling like I really spoke to him in my dream.

Some friends, you talk to after years of not seeing them and just get the sense that they need you or need someone or just need something more.  Or maybe you’re the friend who needs something.  Whatever part you’re playing, there’s a feeling of incompletion among you two, like you need to be there for each other.  These are the friends that you should probably get into their world a little more.  Like, I wouldn’t be okay leaving them knowing that I’d never see them again.

How would you speak about your own life?

We can’t be sad over friends we’ve “lost touch with” over the years.  Genuinely reconnecting with someone for five minutes unplanned is much more significant than the amount of text messages you send to a friend weekly.  Maybe when we lose touch with friends, it’s just life’s way of saying that they don’t need us right now.  That run-in with my friend at Trader Joe’s was a good reminder for me that my life is in a good place, so what excuse would I have to turn away from a friend in true need?  This is where listening comes into play.  Just now, one of my dearest friends called me crying about an issue she’s dealing with at the moment.  As I listened to her pain, I thought about all the instances when I didn’t “have time” to deal with my friends’ problems because I was dealing with my own.  Maybe instead of the friends we’re worried about losing touch with, there are other friends, causes, or family members that are outwardly calling out to us.  Those we can’t ignore.  I once learned that we should “listen for the gold” in what people say.  The “gold” could be a call for help or a plea for encouragement, but once that gold is tapped in to, imagine all the good in the world that people would be able to create.  Just listen for it.

 

Pic courtesy of Google Images.

When Friendship Becomes A Newsfeed

So you have a dear old friend who you used to do everything with — shop, chat, laugh, party, take pictures, reminisce, celebrate holidays and birthdays, go to the beach, go on vacations, exchange relationship advice.  Then, your time with this friend becomes less frequent as your respective dating lives get more serious and your careers become more focused, but you still make time to text or gchat each other every few weeks and manage to set dinner dates monthly or bi-monthly.  Then, after a few successful reunions, your proposed dinner dates fall through more often than not.  The texting continues to dwindle and eventually stops, and now, your only form of communication with this friend is your instagram, twitter, and facebook feeds.

Sad picture, huh?

My father always told me that the friends I made during my high school and college years would be the friends I’d have for life, and I think he’s right.  Those friends and I found each other during such an innocent, curious, and indestructible time, how could we not hold places in our hearts for each other forever?  My memories from those years are more collaborative than anything.  We’re like little time capsules for each other.  Come this September, I will have known the friends that I made in my freshman year of high school for ten years.  This means 2003 was TEN YEARS ago.  To even say that I’ve known someone for ten years truly means my twenties are in full swing.  Even though after high school, we all went to different universities in the NY/NJ area, I stayed in touch with a fabulous group of people.  Man, we had some really great times together throughout our college years.  We may have had all different majors, but we were all on the same boat.  Classes 4-5 days a week.  Midterms and finals usually falling around the same time.  Spring breaks.  SUMMER VACATIONS.  A long time without seeing each other was about three weeks, but for the most part, any chance for a reunion was anticipated and prioritized.  As for the friends I made during my college years… Well, I definitely had my fair share of superficial friendships — plenty of them, but I did connect with some that I will be in touch with for the rest of my life.  We were all on the same boat, too, after all.

After college, however, time kind of changes gears for everyone.  The biggest thing to get used to is the absence of semesters and weekly schedules.  Everyone starts working or continues their studies, or both.  Co-workers and significant others are the people you most often see outside of the house.  Before you know it, months and months go by, and you can’t even remember the last time you saw your good friend.  Hopefully, by this point, you’ve kept in touch with at least two of your good friends from your high school or college days on a more regular basis, but inevitably, the rest fall into a black hole of sporadic texts and social media feeds.  Many of my friends have fallen into this black hole… I hate to call it a black hole because it sounds so negative.  I, by no means, have anything against these friends, as they have had tremendous impacts on my life, so let’s consider it more of a different chapter that these friends become a part of.  I used to take it personally when I’d make “more of an effort” to reach out to friends, but in the end, there’s nothing to take personally.  We found ourselves at similar times in our life, and as life keeps chugging, we find ourselves now with different priorities, probably different interests altogether, and that’s okay.  You’ll be in the same boat with an entirely different group of people for a few months, years, whatever.  You may not be reaching out to the same old friends as much anymore, but there are no bad intentions behind this.  Friendship should never be about drama, attachment, or obligation.  Friends are people you feel comfortable around and enjoy spending time with.  The moment your friendship with someone starts to become an analysis is when you should back off for a bit.  Another ten years from today, I’d rather have fond memories of these friends rather than bitterness over who ‘ruined the friendship.’

As the above picture suggests, be yourself and your friends should support you and cheer you on no matter how long it’s been since you last spoke.  Remember, too, to always keep your actions genuine.  If the wellbeing of someone you’ve lost contact with crosses your mind, pick up the phone and call.  Chances are, you will pick up right where you left off… And there’s nothing sweeter than that.